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Virginia Republicans Go Full Taliban

June 1, 2013

Apparently, God has anointed His slate of Republican candidates for statewide office in Virginia later this year. And he could not have selected a more attractive bunch—especially if you believe that God is against women, gays, science or thinking people in general.

Starting with the top of the ticket, there is the charismatic golden boy of Republican politics, Ken Cuccinelli, candidate for Governor. Governor Bob “Ultrasound” McDonnell will be a hard act the follow, but I have no doubt that Cuccinnelli is up to the task.

Cuccinelli is not only fundamentally against science in general, but seems peeved at the precepts of academic freedom. In fact, he is not above attempting to intimidate academics who do not hew to the “approved” world view, especially on climate change. Catholic Church, meet Galileo. Taliban, meet anyone who has ever read a book, or had an unorthodox thought

The Republican brand is marketed as a “small government” philosophy. Cuccinelli talks as big as anyone on the limited government jihad.

But Ken has a curious definition of limited government, especially when it comes to certain social issues that have gotten under his skin. He wants a small government, but a government large enough to regulate and monitor the private sex lives of Virginia’s citizens and requiring teenagers to report to their parents whenever they seek information on STDs. He also advises school administrators to confiscate and search student’s cell phones on the mere suspicion of sexting, and he wants universities to exclude from their anti-discrimination policies sexual orientation and gender identity.

And everyone knows that global warming is a hoax. That is, except for all scientists who are not fringe crackpots, and Ken Cuccinelli.

On women’s issues, he has a near perfect record. He was one of three AGs in the entire country to oppose the Violence Against Women Act. He opposes abortion even in the case of rape, incest, or to preserve the life of the mother. He is against funding for Planned Parenthood, which would cut off access to vital health care for thousands of poor women. And then there is the famous flip-flop on medically unnecessary transvaginal ultrasounds for women seeking legal abortion services (he apparently changed his mind when he realized what this issue would do to his national aspirations. But we know what he believes). War on women? What war on women?

A true small government libertarian who has an approach to governance that could have been written by Mullah Omar himself.

Moving down the ticket, there is the theocrat Bishop Jackson, the Republican choice for Lieutenant Governor. According to Bishop Jackson, Planned Parenthood is worse than the Ku Klux Klan (presumably because the Klan never offered mammograms or screening for cervical cancer. Or something.

Bishop Jackson has big, loud opinions and he does not seemed burdened by evidence, or what most of us would call “facts”. Some of his pearls of wisdom include the “Muslim sensibilities” of President Obama, the President’s “Communist and collectivist way of thinking”, and the “direct connection” between homosexuality and pedophilia. I guess if the good Bishop says it, it must be true! Evidence and science be damned! Who needs facts when you have belief?

The lollapalooza of weapons grade stupidity is his belief that the unamended version of the Constitution was an anti-slavery manifesto. Especially the part that counts African American slaves as 3/5’s of a person. Maybe he took history instruction from Michelle Bachman because he certainly did not learn that as a student at Harvard.

And gays are “ikky”.

Saving the best for last. By best, I mean worst. Completing the lunatic trifecta, there is the candidate for Attorney General, Mark Obenshain. Mr. Obenshain is noted mostly for introducing a bill in the Virginia legislature that would have required women to report miscarriages to the police. Or go to prison.

There is nothing to add to this. Res ipsa loquitur.

So there you have your slate of candidates. God approved. Evangelical approved. Taliban approved. Set your watches back a hundred years.

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