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Why Vladimir Putin Should Enter the 2016 GOP Primaries

March 21, 2014

Vladimir Putin could make a credible run be the Republican nominee for President n 2016. In some ways, he would be a near perfect candidate for the non-Paul Republicans and he should consider it seriously.

There is the problem of his non-native birth of course. But don’t we already have a precedent set by the current occupant of the White House? The Evil Liberals and their compliant lap dogs in the Main Stream Media have already installed a Kenyan as President, haven’t they? They have concocted an amazing conspiracy including obviously phony stories of birth announcements in the local Hawaiian newspapers, doctored birth certificates and so forth. And hasn’t Donald Trump told us that his investigators have turned up information that even they can’t believe?

If the Evil Liberals can pull this off, imagine what all of the truthful, righteous, fair, balanced and completely unbiased right wing media outlets could do! Is a Putin presidency really so far-fetched?

If Putin could enlist Fox News, Brietbart, Matt Drudge, PJ Media, Orley Taitz, Donald Trump (of course), Red States, the Koch brothers and the thousands of drooling right wing bloggers who are right now sitting in front of their Internet machines sputtering and fuming about the Kenyan-Marxist-Communist-Nazi-Satan Incarnate and Destroyer-of-Liberty, then anything is possible, right? He does have a funny name, but certainly no funnier than Barak. And he is, after all, white.

I know that Putin would have some trouble with the English-only crowd, but Putin’s English is already better than Sarah Palin’s and they love her.

And then there is gun control. The NRA is not going to be very happy about this, but given his other compelling attributes and qualifications, I am sure something can be worked out.

So let’s consider Vladimir’s qualifications.

First of all, he is trustworthy. George W. Bush said so.

Secondly, he is a manly man. He doesn’t wear mom jeans! He wrestles bears! He drills for oil (drill, baby, drill)! Sarah Palin swoons.

He is anti-gay. He has unleashed violent thugs to commit violence against LGBT people, all with government sanction! He is a Lion of Christianity! We await with glee the fate of the Muslim minorities in Crimea.

He does not tolerate freedom of speech or any form of dissent. Pussy Riot goes to jail! Journalists disappear and are killed 

He is unconcerned with income inequality. In fact—he enables it. The Russian Oligarchs rule with impunity, pay no (or very few taxes) enriching themselves beyond imagination, while the Russian economy delvers a staggering 1% growth rate! In that Russia is a rotting kleptocracracy, Putin has already delivered the kind of corrupt state that we are heading for—only he got there first. A man truly ahead of his time.

The Koch brothers must be weeping with with envy.

Putin is a real leader. Matt Drudge, Rudy Giuliani, Matt Barber, Pat Buchanan, Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity say so.

I will close this post with two observations that should seal the deal: Franklin Graham, the scion of the revered evangelist Billy, wishes that Obama were more like Putin. And Bryan Fisher with that “Lion of Christianity” business. That should settle down the religious right.

Finally, Austin Ruse, a Catholic lay leader of some sort, believes that liberals should be taken out and shot.

Sounds like a Putin voter to me.

So get on board! Do you feel the momentum?

  1. not_Anonymous permalink

    Another Elijah Cummings post. How special.

  2. Some Koch brothers paranoia punctured.

  3. Finally something we can blame on the Koch brothers . Harry Reid call your office.

    • You see one satirical reference to the Koch bros and you think that was the subject of the post? Really, you should read these before you comment.

      If you would lie to argue the point that Putin’s values more or less align with the modern right wing, or that right wing leaders have not praised Putin to the skies, I will be glad to consider your argument and discuss it with you, if we can talk like adults. I will not reply to off topic rants.

  4. Bigdogdancer, it is the only thing in the post I read. It put such a taint on the whole thing. Who would have thought that a brilliant logician and rhetorician like you would have resorted to such a reference!? It is almost like breaking Godwin’s law.

    It may be a delicious punch but who is going to try it with this floating in it?

  5. not_Anonymous permalink

    Just a shot in the dark but this from your favorite, Victor Davis Hanson may be more responsive to your post after removing the gratuitous snark that apparently snagged me.

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