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Christmas Comes Home From War

December 23, 2013

In two days, an armistice will be in effect for the War on Christmas.

Christmas will come home at last, released from the annual six weeks Fox News pageant known as the War on Christmas. A war perpetrated by [insert your favorite villain here]. At least the War accomplished one thing: Santa is white. No one died in vain.

On Christmas we can overstuff ourselves on vast amounts of food that we do not need, while scarcely thinking of those among us who have little nothing to eat.

We will open our presents of cheap Chinese baubles that have become the modern day substitutes of love, while thinking nothing of the hordes of underpaid retail workers who were forced to work on the Holidays and put up with our crap so we could get our hands on those cheap Chinese baubles. And of course, we will not think of the violence that erupted in several retail stores as we trampled over each other to get to those towels on special.

We will spend the day dozing through football, without a thought of those who have died from hypothermia, no farther away from us than a bicycle ride.

There will be a ticker tape parade in New York to honor the Fox News personalities who went to war on our behalf. And we will all join in on a rousing chorus of When Christmas Comes Marching Home Again, Hurrah! Hurrah! 

The nation rejoices.

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From → Christmas

10 Comments
  1. Many similar thoughts but then I get rational and realize that all of the merchandise is bought and paid for. Work was freely exchanged for money and workers can buy food and pay rent instead of beg and steal. Dignity is maintained.

    • The point is, if there is a war on Christmas, the perpetrators are us, with our out of control consumerism and violence attached to it. Its not the atheists, secular humanists, or any of the other boogy men that Fox trots out with the same regularity as every local ballet company staging the Nutcracker.

      I don’t really expect you to have any compassion for anyone other than yourself and perhaps the people who are fortunate enough to believe exactly the same things you believe.

      There is no war on Christmas, and anyone who has ever experienced real war would ever indulge in such a ridiculous metaphor. It just feeds into the unfathomable Christian persecution complex, and perhaps distracts us from our own idiocy.

      To paraphrase Pogo: “We have met the enemy, and they is us.”

      And one more thing: Santa is not real. For all the Christmas warriors who did not get the message from mommie.

  2. Nell’s a popping in the Middle East, Obamacare is swirling down the drain, Wendy Davis is exposed as a serial liar, global “warming” is responsible for record cold, etc etc and bigdogdancer still shows a Christmas blog. Have you lost your heart for the defense of progressive causes? No stomach for the condemnation of conservatives?

    • I thought you did not read my posts. I am a little flattered that you miss my left wing rants.

      Coming soon will be a Chis Christie rant and on the drawing boards are some thoughts on how the religious right is corrupting Christianity and some musings on why global warming deniers never seem to publish peer-reviewed research.

      Should be fun.

      Sent from my iPad

      >

  3. Have at Chris Christie. The only argument you would ever get from me is why we don’t subject the holy-O to the same scrutiny.

    I presume your critique of the right wing on Christianity will be informed by your deep piety. It should be interesting.

    • Here’s an idea-why don’t you read the post before attacking it?

      Just a thought…

      Sent from my iPad

      >

    • As for my deep piety, I missed the message from Planet Kolob that you had been appointed my Judge. Now that I know, I will do my best to behave myself.

      Sent from my iPad

      >

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